


You're Kidding?

by Zzxya



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Awkwardness, Best Friends, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-23
Updated: 2014-06-23
Packaged: 2018-02-05 23:36:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1836307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zzxya/pseuds/Zzxya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I already knew whatever almighty God above was a real asshole, but watching me struggle with a massive crush on my best friend must have just been icing on the royally fucked up cake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Kidding?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheSpazzBot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSpazzBot/gifts).



> I wanted to practice a couple things with this oneshot; primarily first person voice, humor, and a more conversational tone. I've been inspired by humor in TheSpazzBot's and renless's wonderful fics so I thought I'd give it a try (hopefully it's not too horrendous). I apologize for any mistakes, I edited this at like two in the morning.

If there really is a divine deity, some holy patriarch above, a gracious savior, he’s got an immensely fucked up sense of humor.

I’m not even saying that to be funny, like, this guy must be a dick. Seriously, what kind of asshole decided that making my life a living hell would be a good idea? I’m not special, _got that one reinforced early on_ , but I mean come on.

I suppose I should start at the beginning.

But I don’t want to give you my life’s story. That requires effort.

Ah fuck it.

My mom died from breast cancer when I was ten. There, I’ll lay the heavy shit down first. I remember her pretty clearly, minus some details, and I also remember how much it hurt to lose her. I remember when my dad adopted my sister Mikasa, because who could forget something like that. Her mom died too and her dad followed shortly after; the cause escapes me. My dad was the one that found them. He was never the same after that.

Five days after I turned eleven my dad left. Mikasa and I found his notebook a week later. He said he was tired of all of the death he was surrounded with and needed to ‘take care of some things in Trost’. Well newsflash asshole, you weren’t the only one up to your knees in blood. I was pissed at him for being a coward and running away, but Mikasa helped me realized my anger wasn’t bringing him back.

I don’t know how we did it but Mikasa and I managed on our own for a while. Soon the neighbors started to take notice of Grisha’s absence and before we knew we had police officers banging on our door. We were good kids and showed them the notebook and everything else he left behind. Within forty-eight hours a full police investigation was under way. Within seventy-two hours they found my dad.

Or at least, his rotting corpse.

Needless to say tragedy struck me at an early age.

The next year after that was pretty much hell. I was depressed, I didn’t go anywhere or do anything, I was perpetually angry (and I still kind of am), and I failed almost all of my classes. Mikasa and I were placed under the care of my childhood friend Armin’s grandfather which didn’t help my state of mind _at all_. That was, until I met Levi.

Levi and I met the first day of seventh grade. Well, if asking for a pencil and receiving a glare sharp enough to cut said pencil counts as officially meeting someone. I think I does. But then again I’m a dipshit so who knows. We both had some standard science bullshit class and our seats were assigned next to each other. He was about as pissed off at the world as I was.

We didn’t talk. At all. We would occasionally make awkward eye contact and then look away and play off the ‘no homo’ thing like the pre-pubescent boys we were until halfway through the year when I finally decided enough was enough. He was snarky and kind of rude for the longest time but I was a persistent little shit (“You still are,” He tells me) and forced conversation out of him.

He truly loosened up to me a half way through eighth grade year. That was the year everything went straight back to hell. Satan was waiting for me at the door, I swear. He and I talked for a little bit, it was fucking fantastic.

To start, I finally picked up my first girlfriend (much to Mikasa’s dismay). She was a pretty little thing I’ll give her that much, but I swear on my life Satan never told me he had a daughter. Fucking bastard. Long story short the little witch spread some … pleasant rumors about me that got the whole school to turn their noses up at me. She pretty much fucked me over for wanting to get with anyone with a vagina ever again.

The only one who stood by my side was Levi. He said he did because he felt bad for me but I know better looking back at it know. I was just glad to have a friend then. 

Fast forward to ninth grade year, I was fourteen, when I convinced Levi to go to the same high school as me. It was across town (like hell I was going to a school where people would know my name) but Armin’s grandfather was sweet and old and told me he was willing to make the drive.

Things were good again for about four to five months. I joined the track team and Levi picked up martial arts. He was _really_ good at it too. I was bumped up to Varsity and became (and continue to be) one of the fastest runners for the school. People got wind of Levi’s skills also and we quickly became one the most respected pairs in the school, _freshman year_. I was on cloud nine and Levi was right there with me.

But with every good high there comes an extremely painful and hellish low. Like a stab-me-forty-seven-times-with-a-dull-fork-to-make-the-pain-go-away kind of low. Armin’s grandfather had a heart attack and passed away the same night, leaving all of us without a home _yet again_. Armin was in shambles, I was a wreck, and Mikasa was stoic but her mask breaking. We didn’t go to school for a week. It was too painful.

Once again Levi was there. He held on to me late at night when I broke into a fit of sobs, he comforted Armin (in his own really weird and awkward way), and squeezed Mikasa’s shoulder when they both thought no one was looking.

“You’ll get through this,” He whispered into my hair one particularly miserable night. Of course I had Mikasa and Armin, but sometimes the crushing weight of heavy loneliness was just too much to bare. We were sitting on my bed, his fingers carding through my disheveled hair in the midnight darkness, “You’re one of the strongest people I know.”

I’ve never been so thankful for anyone in my life. May I also mention that is literally the only point in the time I’ve known Levi to be that sweet and caring. He always is, he just hides it under a layer of really fucking good cologne and a poker face that could put Lady Gaga to shame. That was also when I realized my affection for him ran deeper than friendship. It took me a month after the night in my room to finally accept that the fact that I had a crush on my best friend. God or whoever just wasn’t going to let me catch a break.

I was pretty good though, I tried my damn hardest not to let it show. Sophomore year was actually a blast. No death, no horrid rumors. Varsity track went to the state championship that year. We were tied for first with only one more race to go: the four by four relay. Oh god I remember how nervous I was, I was sweating more than Bertholt that time he got caught smoking a joint in the boy’s bathroom during lunch. I was in the last heat, the guy from the school we were tied with in the lane right next to me. I distinctly remember the sound of the gun, the drown of the crowd, and the blissful feeling of pure adrenaline as I crossed the finish line a full two strides ahead of the guy in the lane next to me.

Levi was there. He saw the whole damn thing. And I’d be lying if I told you I’d didn’t want to kiss him right then and there. But that would have been weird. For everyone.

But damn that sexy little shit was good at martial arts. He had a couple of tournaments as big as the state track championship, if not bigger. His movements were sleek and polished, powerful and spontaneous. He knew exactly when to strike without overthinking every move he made. He managed to place second overall which was pretty fucking impressive considering there were at least three hundred incredibly talented ninjas at the competition. I had that urge to kiss him again but I had to shove it in the closet because _Eren he’s straight and you know that so don’t make this weird._

We were practically royalty when we got back to school. You know those untouchable guys, the ones that all the chicks dig and all the guys want to be friends with? That was us (and you better bet your ass it still is).

Catching up to the present we have yet another dip in this fucked up roller coaster I like to call life. Levi and I were practically glued to each other’s hip all throughout summer. Emphasis on _were_. As in the past tense. He texted me about midway through July with news that quite literally shattered my heart.

_+Levi [July 17 9:43 p.m.]  
Hey asshole, guess what? Finally asked Petra out. She said yes_

I don’t think words can describe how disheartened I was upon reading those eleven words. _Of course he’s not gay you dumbass. Why would you even let yourself entertain the idea?_ Like I said, I’m a dipshit. I dug myself into a hole way too deep and didn’t even bother to look up at the dirt falling right back down and burying me.

In all honesty, I completely and wholeheartedly envy Petra. Not just because she’s with Levi. She’s genuinely beautiful (and maybe if I didn’t prefer cock I’d hit on her), not like those fake ass girls that pretend to be sweet around guys then twist their balls and scorch their hearts when they get the chance. Her personality is about as bright and pleasant as the sun after it rains and she is truly a wonderful person, I’ve talked with her on multiple occasions. Any guy would be lucky to have her.

But anyone would be just as lucky to have Levi.

(As much as I bet it probably sounds like I’m talking about myself I swear I’m being dead serious.)

I was pretty good though, I tried my damn hardest _yet again_ not to let my petty jealously show. It was really hard. I felt (feel) like this dickwad above was (is) just having a grand old time killing off everyone I love and dangling the object of my affection right in front of my fucking face.

I guess that was a lot to explain that _my life fucking sucks_ but whatever, I’m sure you get the bigger picture now. Fast forward six months and your caught up to the present. Christmas break is fast approaching and I’m seriously not ready to spend the entire break with Levi plus one. I love Petra dearly, but _I don’t know how much more of this I can take._

Seriously. Fuck the divine deity. Fuck the holy patriarch above. Fuck the gracious savior because the only damn thing he saved for me was a shit ton of heartache.

I really need a beer, fuck the law. I’m seventeen, I’ll get shit faced if I want to.

Actually sleep is probably better. 

Yeah, I think I’ll sleep.

 

_____________________________________________________________________

 

_BEEP BEEP BEEP_

For the love of all things mighty I can’t even deal with this right now. If there is anything more annoying than waking up to the shrill sound of a demonic alarm clock it’s waking up to the shrill sound of a demonic alarm clock _on a Monday_. Screw the last week of school, I’d rather sleep all day.

“Eren, shut that thing off,” Armin mutters from underneath the cocoon of warm blankets. I’m trying Armin but you see there’s this thing called _distance_ and _getting up_ , “Ereeen.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I grumble. _Why the ever living fuck did he sleep in my room again?_ With a quick slap to the alarm I dive back under the cover of squishy warmth, not yet ready to face the impending doom that is school.

“You two can’t hide under there forever.” I hear Mikasa chide from the bathroom. _Ha, watch me._

The morning passes in an uneventful haze and before I’m ready I’m walking across the parking lot from Mikasa’s car to the school. _One more week in this hell then I’m free for two weeks._ Hey, it’s not much but it’s better than no break at all.

In eight steps I’m at the door. In twelve steps I’m down the hall. In twenty steps I’m in the cafeteria, headed to the table we always hang out at before the bell rings. In fifteen steps I’m – 

Confused.

Everyone seems to be accounted for, Levi’s friends – Erwin, Mike, Hanji – some of my friends – Armin and Mikasa behind me, Marco, Reiner, Bertholt – but I feel like we are lacking in sunshine. It’s then that I notice the place at Levi’s hip is empty meaning either a) Petra is sick or b) Petra is sick.

“Hey guys. Levi, where’s Petra?” Doesn’t mean I’m still not going to ask.

Levi’s trademark scowl gives away nothing per the usual, “Didn’t want to come over.”

Wo, I must be really tired because for some reason that’s _really_ funny. I walk over to him to reduce the chance of anyone wanting to pry.

“What? How come?”

His eyes flash dangerously, but he knows that stopped working on me ages ago, “Didn’t you check your phone? I sent you a text last night.”

I want to snap at him because _you stopped fucking texting me like two months ago don’t be a twat_ but I know that’s probably a bad idea because the look in his eyes is screaming not to push it.

“No, it’s dead. Haven’t gotten around to charging it.” I shouldn’t lie. Especially not to my best friend.

“Well Petra and I got into an argument. She got really mad and told me to shove off. So I did.” His tone is neutral but I can tell he’s a little miffed. For once I don’t know what to say. Do I apologize? Like hell I’m going to do that, I’m stubborn not a passive aggressive sissy. Do I cheer? _Don’t want to look like any more of an asshole than you already are, Eren._

“That’s rough dude.” I play it off. Fortunately, Levi doesn’t notice anything awry. He just nods and I take my place next to him at the table (haha didn’t think I’d be saying that for a long time). I have to say, that’s about the only eventful thing that happens throughout the day. Levi and Petra don’t have the same lunch, only a few of the same classes, so we talked and joked like everything was just peachy.

The only minor complication was that Levi was slightly more irate than normal and I knew exactly why. Of course I wasn’t going to say anything. I may have a crush of him the size of fucking Jupiter but I am still his best friend. He didn’t approach the topic the rest of the day either so I assumed things would cool off after a couple days.

 

_____________________________________________________________________

 

They didn’t.

The rest of the week passed unceremoniously. Petra remained at arms distance from Levi, Levi remained slightly irate, and I stayed in my wonderful little confused bubble. It bothered me a little that Levi wasn’t willing to talk about it but I knew I was being selfish and shoved those ugly thoughts away.

Come Friday everyone had already made plans to meet over summer, some saying their finals goodbyes as a few people were changing schools or moving. Levi and I just said we’d see each other tomorrow. And we did.

We fucking did.

Everything was fine and dandy until Levi got up to my room, having collapsed heavily on my bed with a deep, exhausted sigh.

“You want to talk about it?” I say as I sit on my bed next to him. He hums in acknowledgement and flips himself around to gaze at the ceiling. 

“I broke up with Petra.”

What.

_What._

“What?” God if there is an award for smoothest response I’d have won that and then some.

“You heard me.” I did.

“Well yeah, but like. What? Why?”

He sighs again, this time it’s constrained, “Remember Monday?” I nod, “That was when things started to spiral out of control.”

Levi? Out of control? That name and that phrase to do not go together at all.

“We’ve been having some disagreements for the past month or so, actually but it’s never been enough for her to want to leave. She told me she didn’t want to talk after we got in a big fight Sunday night. We’ve been off and on this whole week and I think the stress of the last couple months was finally coming through. I was the one to suggest it but she ultimately thought it was best for us also.”

“To call it off …?” I trail dumbly.

“Yes dumbass.” He’s annoyed. I don’t like when he’s annoyed because he gets snappier than usual.

“How are you holding up?” I ask because I genuinely care. He doesn’t need my pity, he tells me that all the time. But dammit, if he’s going to be my rock when I need it most I’m sure as hell going to be his.

“Fine,” He huffs. I choose not to say anything else. He doesn’t seem like he wants to talk about it anymore. We lay like that for a while, the only sound being the steady crusado of our breathing. For the longest time I’m certain he’s asleep until his deep baritone fills the room once again.

“So, I’ve yet to hear about anyone the great Eren Jaeger has his eyes on.”

Aw shit, shit abort mission. This is the last thing I wanted to get in a discussion with _him_ about. I would fucking kill for an panic button right now but this isn’t one of those shitty movies and I’m still here with the one person I _do_ have my eyes on.

“That’s because my eyes aren’t set on anyone.” I told myself I shouldn’t lie to him.

“I’m calling bullshit,” He sees right through it, “You’re a terrible liar. Who?”

Fuck what do I say? ‘Aha okay you got me, I’ve been wanting to make out with you ever since the beginning of ninth grade year’. Once again, _no Eren that would be straight up weird as fuck._

“I’ll tell you when I’m ready.” I settle for some cryptic bullshit instead. He looks up at me from his place amid my sheets with a look that echoes what he said before. _I swear if he keeps looking at me with those gorgeous eyes of his I’m going to end up spitting it out anyways._

“Nope. You’re going to tell me now.” He’s crawling over to me now, his Nike tank top riding up his back, exposing a long torso and lean back muscles taunt from martial arts training. I don’t like the way my throat refuses to let me swallow and my hands feel clammy. I swear if he –

Shit. He’s practically straddling me now, arms pinned to my side to keep me from thrashing because this is the _last position_ I want to be in right now. I can’t help but mentally curse this supreme ruler for the sixty thousandth time because I _really_ like this and I _really_ don’t because he trying to get me to spill the fucking beans and if I wasn’t so mentally fucked right now I might be able to think of a coherent reply but –

“No way out of it now asshole. So who is it?” He leans down as he says it, and I’d be lying if I said I was trying not to suppress shiver at the tone he’s adopted. That and the fact that I am trying to work every mental trick in the book to _not_ spring a hard-on at the moment, “Historia? Oh wait, I bet it’s that girl that’s always ridiculously serious. What’s her name? Ashely? Adry? Oh right, Annie.”

I can’t even say anything, it’s like the sudden closeness in proximity has wiped my memory clear of the English language. And damn, that cocky smirk of his is doing a magical job at burning a hole right through me and sending that fire straight to my groin. There’s something in his eyes I can’t quite place, I’ve never seen it before and I’d have to say it’s rather unnerving being under such intense scrutiny.

Before I can choke out a reply the harsh sound of a phone vibrating pierces the tense silence. We both look to the source of the noise. My phone is on the nightstand next to my bed, glowing and buzzing obnoxiously like a welcome beckon of hope for my dignity. I scramble to pick up the offending device, successfully startling Levi enough to relinquish his hold on me. I don’t even check the caller ID before answering with an extremely winded ‘hello’.

“ _Eren? Are you okay?_ ” It’s Mikasa. Shit, I’ve never been so thankful for the woman in my life.

“Yeah Mikasa, I’m fine. What’s up?” I can feel Levi sink back into the bed even though I refuse to look at him.

“ _I just wanted to ask if there was anything you needed at the store. I’m here now and I realized I forgot to ask before I left._ ” I can hear the faint bustling of shoppers behind her voice and choose to focus on that instead of the rustling behind me. Suddenly I feel hands combing through the ends of my hair and my breath involuntarily hitches.

“ _Eren? Are you sure you’re okay?_ ”

“Uh, yeah. I’m fine don’t worry about it. If you could get some shampoo that’d be great.” Trying to make conversation. It’s not really working.

“ _Alright. I’ll see you when I get back. Don’t destroy the house._ ”

“No promises.” With the way things have been going, that isn’t too far from the truth. She scoffs and we say our goodbyes and I’m engulfed in silence yet again. Levi’s still fingering with my hair, his slender fingers massaging my scalp. I do like it, I’m just uncomfortable in my own skin again.

“You don’t have to tell me. I completely understand if you prefer to keep it between you and whoever it is.” Fuuuck why do you have to sound to dejected? I didn’t kill your goldfish. I didn’t lose your homework. God dammit I have it bad. So fucking bad.

“Thank you Levi, for understanding.” I sigh. The thing is, he doesn’t understand. Not even the slightest bit.

We spend the rest of the night watching Netflix.

We don’t speak.

 

_____________________________________________________________________

 

In all honesty, things were kind of weird between me and Levi after the whole ‘almost told you I have a crush on you’ disaster. Maybe it was just weird for me. It probably was. After all, I am a dipshit. But I think I’m a pretty perceptive dipshit. Levi and I still hung out like always, but there was always certain air of tension whenever it was just the two of us. I felt (feel) like I’m waiting for something to snap.

Any time now.

It’s finally the time of year I know Levi hates the most. Christmas. While everyone thinks that having a birthday on such a massive holiday is super cool, Ebenezer Scrooge over here practically hides in his room all day to escape the inevitable celebration. I completely understand though. It is his birthday, but in a way it kind of gets swept under the rug in the chaos of gift-wrapping and cooking.

Mikasa, Armin, and I invited him over to our place to allow him refuge from his obnoxious extended family. They were horribly reluctant to let him go, even going so far as to tell us no, but Levi doesn’t give two shits about what they think. He called me at seven twenty-one, the sun already descending over the horizon, on Christmas Eve with a rather odd request.

“Hey dude, what’s up?”

“ _Can you come over to my place?_ ” He whispered.

“Yeah sure. Why are you whispering?” Remember how I said I like to believe I’m perceptive? Yeah. No.

“ _Hiding from my parents, what do you think? Don’t come up to the door, hop the fence and come to my window. Bring a rope too._ ” Oh, I get it.

“Sure, how soon do you want me there?” I heard him huff over the receiver.

“ _Apparently my urgency isn’t translating over the phone. Like now asshole_.” Did I forget to mention asshole is like his term of endearment for me? I’ve actually grown kind of attached to it. He calls me asshole, I call him dickwad. Although I call him that a lot less frequently. 

“Yeah, yeah. I’m coming, don’t shit yourself.” I didn’t give him any time to protest. So that’s how I got here, on my way to Levi’s looking like a shady motherfucker with my long ass rope and beer (because God knows if I’m going to need it tonight).

I feel like I’m on the way to Rapunzel’s castle or some shit. Maybe Levi’s parents made him wear a dress and that’s why he’s so impatient to get the fuck out. I try not to entertain the thought further without much success. In a few more minutes I’m turning onto Levi’s street, cheeks hot and mouth dry.

“Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair.” I call. Maybe throwing rocks at his window will get him to hurry; it works in the movies. It takes him a second but he finally opens his window, sadly not wearing a dress, but instead looking rather unkempt and annoyed. I throw one more rock for good measure.

“Ah, fuck, what the hell took you so long?” He rubs the spot where the rock just hit him.

“Um, I had to walk here.” I say as bluntly as possible. I sure as hell have a crush on him but he’d be kidding himself if he thought I was going to run my ass all the way over here, track be damned.

“Whatever, asshole. Throw the rope up.” After five minutes, more profanities than I can count, and a bruise on my forehead later, Levi and I are walking back to my place.

We don’t say anything, that awkward stiffness practically palpable between us. I’m almost tempted to ask him about it but I figure he probably wouldn’t know what I was talking about anyway.

“Thanks.” He says, breaking the silence that had us caged like hot cords.

“Yeah, sure. No problem. This isn’t the first time one of us has helped the other sneak out.” Ah that brings back memories. We actually got caught once or twice by Levi’s parents, but with the pandemonium that is Christmas it seems as though we’ve managed to get by unscathed.

For now.

He snorts and I can’t help but find it adorable. Granted he sounded like a dying pig but it was more like the squawk of one of those teacup piglets. No pun intended towards his height of course.

We walk in silence up until we get to my house. Once we open the door we are greeted by the most heavenly of all smells and most colorful of all sights. Mikasa had always been a Class A cook and I know I shouldn’t have suspected anything less of her.

It was my idea to celebrate Levi’s birthday instead of Christmas and thankfully Armin and Mikasa were really cool about it. Neither of them had any objections (which I appreciate greatly), each of them going so far as to cook and decorate for him. The décor wasn’t Christmas themed at all, our pathetic little tree was still up but it housed our gifts (half of them were from me, fight me bitch) for Levi under it.

You should have seen his face when he walked through the door. Levi’s always been really skilled with hiding his emotions and all but I could clearly see the shock painted on his sharp features. The funniest part about this whole set up was that _he_ had called _me_. We were actually going to kidnap him and bring him here but I suppose he sort of did that on his own. Minus the act of bagging himself because how the fuck would that work.

“Eren …” He trails, taking in the sight of our transformed living room.

“Don’t ruin it,” I laugh, “Come on sit down.”

The rest of the evening passes in a pleasant blur. We talked, ate, drank, joked, and opened presents. Levi actually loosened up after dinner (it may or may not have been with the help of a little booze and pleading on my part) as we lounged around lazily for some time. Armin’s hilarious when he drinks because he’s honestly the biggest lightweight I know. He was out within the hour, much to the amusement of everyone else, as he passed out right in middle of some long-winded tirade about how his English teacher is a dick for assigning work over break.

Mikasa could drink for days without batting an eyelash as far I know. She did mention that she took an extra shift to cover for Sasha who apparently had a doctor’s appointment that ran too late. She nodded to us both before disappearing into the confines of her room for the night.

And then it was just Levi and I.

Again.

By ourselves.

Alone.

 _And I’m drunk too, I can fucking feel it. I don’t think the room is supposed to be spinning like this_. This isn’t going to go well. Levi’s always been a pretty strong drinker, probably stronger than Mikasa if I had anything to say about it. He has remained almost perfectly coherent this entire time, give or take some word fuck ups like the rest of us.

I don’t know how we got like this, but I’m sitting with my head in his lap as he absent mindedly runs his fingers through my hair like I know he loves to do. You’d think someone so keen on germs wouldn’t want to have anything to do with hair.

“Hey,” I look up at him. He’s looking somewhere else I can’t see, “You never did tell me who you like.”

Shit.

I feel like we had this conversation fucking yesterday. And fuck me if that mortification isn’t as strong as before. I want to tell him, I want to tell him _so fucking bad_ but the same sense of foreboding from before washes over me in a similar manner.

“I thouught we already taaalked about this.” My slur is cute. 10 of 10 would bang.

He whacks me on the forehead lightly, “Well I’m drunk and it’s been bothering me for the last week so spill.”

What?

Did I hear that right? The whole damn week?

“Umm …” _Way to go Eren, you illiterate fuck._

“Come on you’re my best friend, don’t be an ass.”

“But you always tell me I am an ass.” I look away, opting to focus on a painting Mikasa made some time ago. His fingers go still in my tangled tresses. I can feel the murderous aura emanating from him.

Next thing I know Levi’s shoving me off of his lap. In two seconds he’s towering over me as I scramble to compose myself from the sudden hostility. He leans over me and captures my gaze, sinking back down onto the couch to cage me in.

The panic is back, scorching hot in my throat. His eyes are searching for something but I can’t tell what, sharp grey smoldering with that unidentifiable emotion. If he thinks I’m going to spell it out for him he’s got another thing coming. 

I finally snap back to my senses and try to shove him off. I may be a runner with some powerful ass legs, but he’s a martial artist with some rippling upper body strength and I’ll be damned if I think this pathetic thrashing is going to get me anywhere.

“Eren,” I stop at the sound of my name. He _never_ uses my name, “Why can’t you just tell me?” He sounds so lost, so confused. There is a brief pang at my heart from the memory of only a week ago, when he had told me everything was okay in that same tone. Well fuck this, everything was clearly far from okay.

I sigh out of my nose, deep and long. I really don’t want to do this. Ruin our friendship. Losing him as a friend would be far more painful than being rejected. I’m prepared for the rejection, in fact, I invite it.

“You.” I breathe.

Silence.

I am only met with stunned silence.

“It’s you.”

I can’t place the look on Levi’s features. Is it surprise? Disgust? Annoyance? For the life of me I can’t tell. The divine deity above is laughing at me right now. _You’re a dumbass_ he says, _you’re a damn fool Eren Jaeger_. I can’t help but agree, even though it still hurts.

“Eren …” I don’t want to listen to the vulgarities that will follow next. I close my eyes in preparation for the worst, “What the fuck were you thinking?” I flinch at his harsh tone, “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?!”

My eyes shoot open at this. I swear now is not the time for my brain to be fucking with me and bending his words. “What …?” I don’t know what to say, so I elect for the most intelligent reply I can think of.

“Dammit,” He chuckles darkly, but there is no humor in it, “Why didn’t you tell me sooner Eren?”

“I was – you were with … Petra.” I stammer.

He’s quiet for a moment. I can see the gears turning in his head. “How long?”

I don’t want to answer that, it’s pathetic. He can see my hesitation and grabs my chin to force me to look at him. That untamed, unfamiliar emotion is still there and if I didn’t know any better I might say it was desire.

“How long?” He repeats, this time with an edge.

“Since … since ninth.” I can’t bring myself to finish.

He looks away and mutters something that sounds akin to ‘damn …’

“I completely understand if you don’t feel the same. Hell, you’re not even gay. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I really do trust you but I didn’t know how you would take it, you know how people can be now days. I just really don’t want this to change anything –”

“Eren,” He leans in closer, “Stop ranting.”

I swallow, for lack of a proper response.

And then his lips are on mine. I’m taken off guard, confused because _he’s not gay he just lost his footing and now his face is on mine_. But I can feel it. The spark of desire behind a layer of distinct hesitation.

It takes a second of me being dumbfounded before he pulls back. His cheeks are flushed and his pupils are dilated and _fuck_ I really want to take him now, why didn’t I kiss back?

“I thought you –”

Whatever prompts me to do it, I have no fucking clue, but I capture his lips with my own once again. 

I can tell he’s nervous, and hell, I’m a fucking nervous wreck too. But in all honesty that doesn’t matter because Levi’s still here and he’s kissing me. Like actually kissing me. For a while we just stay like that, our lips unmoving until he decides it’s time to pull away. I can still feel his breath fanning my cheeks as he looks at me, hands cupping my face, but I keep my eyes closed.

Dammit, this is the moment I’ve been waiting for three years. I’m not going to let this opportunity pass by me. 

I don’t know where the sudden surge in confidence comes from and I really don’t care either. My arms find purchase around his neck and his lips are back on mine before he can say a word. I can feel his hesitance again but as I arch my back into him he loosens up minutely. Our mouths move in a mindless rhythm, his fingers moving from my face to my hair, gripping roughly and blindly with my tousled strands.

I swipe my tongue across his bottom lip and he obliges, opening his mouth for me. My mind is in over drive; I can feel every twist of his tongue in my mouth, every twitch of his hand in my hair. He tastes like alcohol and smells like mint which sounds gross but in my drunken stupor it’s the sexiest thing next to feeling of his hard muscles.

I’ve never done this before and fuck, I really should have done it sooner. If I had known he felt the way I do I would have fucked him senseless a long time ago. Not that I would have known what I was doing then. Because I sure as hell have no idea now.

But I’ve decided I’m going with my instincts and my instincts are telling me _he_ should be the one under _me_. Without warning I pull him flush to me and switch our positions. It’s hard (I want a medal for it dammit) because our couch isn’t exactly enormous but I manage.

I get a chance to look at him for a second. Praise the day I’d see Levi actually blushing, looking flustered as hell. Praise today. Praise right now. He looks like fucking gold and I’m determined to make him say my name if it’s the last thing I do.

My lips find his neck, sucking and licking at the spots I know are most tender. I can hear him trying to stay quiet but damn I really want to her every delicious moan he makes.

“Levi,” I say, my lips ghosting the skin of his neck, “Let me hear you.”

He nods ever so slightly and I resume my task of marking his neck with red bruises, some of them already forming into dark hickies. He finally, _finally_ , lets out a breathy moan, the sound going straight to my groin. His nails dig into the fabric of my shirt, fingers clawing desperately like every suck was enough to completely undo him right then and there.

I can feel the heat polling in my belly and give an experimental roll of my hips. He gasps my name softly, arching back to rut his hips against mine. I can feel his erection through the confines of my jeans and suddenly the skin on his arms and the skin under his loose shirt is not enough.

With clumsy fingers I trail a line down his stomach and palm his crotch, eliciting a sharp moan. His tongue is in my mouth again, one hand gripping my ass and the other toying with the button of my jeans.

_Such a fucking tease._

In a second I have his shirt on the floor, my mouth trailing back down his throat to paint this newly exposed canvas of porcelain skin with my marks. He pulls my shirt off easily as well, fingers tracing over my (if I may) toned chest.

My fingers are fumbling and uncertain, but I somehow manage get his jeans open. He picks up on my brief ambiguity and helps me with the task of ridding him of the article. I follow suit, everything discarded now, the only thing separating out naked bodies being the statically charged air around us.

We’re both panting and it seems as though there isn’t enough air for us to breathe.

“Touch me dammit.” Levi breathes. I can’t help but smirk to myself because _he has no idea how long I’ve fucking waited to hear that._

My fingers find his hips, then trail in an almost teasing manner before I thumb over his head lightly. He shutters and sputters a few unintelligible words, his hips buckling almost instantly. If I had known he could come undone so easily I would have come more prepared.

I take his length in my hand, giving it one last languid stroke before pumping him just as slowly. His hands find my dick, albeit a little less gentle, and he pumps me slowly as well.

I can hear him moaning my name, chanting it like a mantra. Eren, Eren, Eren. I pump him a little harder, a little faster, and I know he’s going to come any second. My lips met his, swallowing very whimper and moan that escape his soft lips. With one final stroke his back arches and his mouth opens in a silent scream, warm come spilling over my hand. He’s not finished though, still working me like a champion until finally feel myself release as well.

We stay like that for a moment, panting and breathing heavily against each other’s chest, hands still wrapped around the other’s cock in a mess of limbs and sticky come.

“Shit …” I don’t know what else to say to describe the single greatest moment in my pathetic teenage existence.

“God, that was good.” He mutters, cheeks still flushed. I can’t help but beam with pride, in him and in me. I bet we looked like fucking porn stars. Thank God Mikasa or Armin didn’t wake up.

“Levi I –” I start, but I’m cut off with a sweet kiss, similar to one we shared before.

“If you apologize even once for this I’m going to drop kick your balls so fast there won’t be anything for you to fuck with.” His words are threatening but his tone is tired and spent. I have to laugh at that.

“Alright, the,” I sit up, releasing him, “We should probably clean up.”

“You think?”

It doesn’t take long for us to clean ourselves up, as well as the poor couch (Mikasa and Armin will never have to know). We make it to my room quietly, as to not disturb the others, and collapse onto my bed together from pure exhaustion. I’ve never been so happy but there is a thought plaguing my mind.

Once we’re situated under the covers, Levi’s arms wrapped firmly around me from behind, I voice my concerns, “Levi, I’m serious though. Is this going to affect our friendship?” Yeah, I’ll ask that like we totally didn’t just fuck on the couch.

Levi hums as if to entertain the thought, “Do you want it to?”

I’m a little shocked, so I turn to look at him. I can’t tell if he’s being serious or not, “Of course not.”

“Do you want to still be friends?”

“Yes, why wouldn’t I? It’s just that maybe since we … you know …”

“Come on, don’t go all Virgin Mary on me now.”

“It’s not that!” I splutter, “I just really, really like you and I’d love to be more than _just_ your friend. Do you think that’s a good idea I mean a lot of people won’t like it and I’m not sure what your parents will do if they find out –”

“Eren,” I stop when his hands find my face, thumb stroking my cheek lightly, “Stop ranting.”

He leans in to kiss me and suddenly I don’t care about anyone else anymore. Screw people at school, fuck what his parents think. I’m with Levi now and that’s all that matters.

Hm, maybe that asshole above isn’t as big a dick as I thought he was.

**Author's Note:**

> HOW DO YOU SMUT?? I SURE AS HELL HAVE NO IDEA. I'M SO EMBARRASSED. My Tumblr's [zzxya](http://zzxya.tumblr.com/) by the way, let's be friends o3o


End file.
